Rude awakenning !

I have a gay neighbour who is HOMOPHOBIC ! Yes, you heard me ! The poor soul has major "ISSUES" and needs SERIOUS counselling. He lives in the second highest gay populated country and CANNOT BE himself ?!!! Our month long Mardi Gras Festival is the biggest and the most sought event since 1978 gaining a worldwide reputation. Doesn't that tell you something ?!!!.... I wonder when he'll land on planet EARTH?!!!

The funny bit is the poor soul musn't realise that the common wall between our bedrooms is NOT soundproof. And while his getting "jiggy" with his "flatmate" , the bed is working overtime banging the bloody wall at an ungodly hour and sending a spasm of vibrations throughout the whole building (so it felt) following each thud !

Anyway, going back to my story, I got stuck one day going up the staircase when I noticed an unfriendly creepy crawley creature on the wall. Since I have a cocky phobea ( cockrrrrr), I screamed like there's no tomorrow when the damn thing decided to FLY... It was freakin huuuge, let me tell you... Luckily my neighbour heard me and came to my rescue! He flicked it to the floor like it was just a bug and STEPPED on "IT" !!! Why can't I DO THAT ?!! You have No IDEA, if he has issues I have BIGGER ones with these hideous creatures that I CAN'T get myself to say their name.

Being the queen of "etiquette", I got him a little box of chocolate to thank him. He gave me this uncomfortable look, thinking I'm trying to hit on him !??? I felt like "huhhhhh" ?!!! Which planet do you come from "SWEETIE" !!! Slow down BOY, your EMOTIONS are getting WAY AHEAD of YOU !!!

Afterwards, it was the " Bin Episode". I missed the bin night couple of times to find that he took his out and left MINE ! I've been putting his "wretched bin" out for the last 6 months !!! Does the word "common courtesy" ring a bell !??

Then came the final straw "The Parking Episode". I offered him my parking space and that "Thank you" NEVER came !!! By then, my PATIENCE and GOOD WILL was OUT the window and in came my RAGE full throttle !!! That rude behaviour is NO LONGER acceptable !!! I had to remedy the situation IMMEDIATELY !!! So I wrote him a letter and pinned it to his door. It said the following:

Dear neighbour,

I am deeply sorry to break this disturbing piece of news but it is ME your neighbour and NOT SANTA who has been putting your bin out for the last 6 months !

I noticed your vocabulary lacked the word “Thank You”, which is an expression of gratitude, NO MORE, NO LESS !!! By saying it following an act of kindness shown towards you, reflects "FINE BREEDING" and a great sense of "CLASS" !

Adding this "BON MOT" to your daily vocabulary is a must ! After all it’s an internationally acclaimed word even Bollywood uses it in their movies, why be an exception !

It is disturbing to know in this day and age, there are still some people out there who are absolutely clueless of "etiquette" !!! For example: giving someone a box of chocolate as a “Thank you” gift to express one’s gratitude is a very NOBLE and GRAND GESTURE and does not HEAVENS FORBID imply a desire to get acquainted on ANY level !!!

Amazingly some poor unexposed souls do !...

I am confident however that in your situation it is a case of confusion of egalitarianism rather than obliviousness !

Let’s contrive to display appreciation of these simple courtesies to keep them alive in our neighbourhood before they become EXTINCT like the Tasmanian tiger, shall we!...

Your efforts will not go unnoticed !!!

Sincerely Yours

Pepe ( Apartment no. x)
Your Neighbour

Well, let me tell you, IT WORKED !!! Ever since, I ve been showered with social niceties like " Good morning" " Thank you" " Please"...... and I love it ! purrrrrrr