You got to be kidding me...

Logged on Skype, this guy from Norway invited me for a chat ! Me, being the accommodating type, I accepted. We got on well and had a lot of common interest. I liked our chat. There was no personal questions, just 2 people exchanging information and opinions in general with seemingly no ulterior motive.

It was grrrrreat ! I couldn't believe my luck. I finally found a platonic relationship with the opposit sex.

He was a DJ. We listened to similar genre of music, Dance Trance, Techno trance, Techno ambient, Electronica, New age, and Techno jazz . I was tickled pink by his delight when I introduced him to Deep soul !

We also confabbed about fashion. He's a Dolci & Gabana boy while I favour Roberto Cavalli's couture. We both loved the unforgettable Lacroix, Moschino, Armani, Versace, Gucci, Christian Dior, Louis Vutton, and occasionally some of Chanel and Yve St Laurent haute couture.

Then out of the blue, he said; " I'm gay"

Perplexed I replied ; " and......"

" You don't mind?" : he asked.

"NO! What's the big deal ! ": I retorted.

"I'm so relieved ! " : he replied back

I couldn't fantom what he was getting at, nor how his sexuality has anything to do with our chitchat !?!? I didn't fuss and we continued our chin-wag.

We were getting on like a house on fire till he said : " I want to touch you.."

Oh My God, I finally realised he's mistaken me for a HE ! Suddenly the earlier conversation made sense. My heart sank. I was in shock ! Mayday, mayday MAJOR communication breakdown and I can't figure out a smooth landing !

I ignored his message. He picked up on it pretty quick, that is the' ignoring' bit! Then he send me a laughing smiley !

I felt he was hurt and that in turn increased my anguish ! I did not want to hurt him nor his ego by making him think I rejected his offer ! By the same token, I was worried that if cleared the gender misunderstanding, he might loose face, and not want to talk to me ! He was a good chat buddy !

Do I really have to shatter his dreams ?!?! Why do things have to get so complicated ?!?!

I finally said : "I think hotmail is frozen ! ". I changed the subject pretty quick and left it at that ! :(

Ooops !

I met this awesome chick who happens to be an IT guru. She seems to know her stuff well which I found to be a 'turn on'. Not many chicks are into that sort of thing and it was refreshing to see one who is NOT a nerd and has a great sense of humour. She volunteered to help me out with a couple of technical problems I was having with my blog that evening on Skype. Real sweet of her to do so. Since I am an MSN user I had to download it. It was quick,easy and straightforward, I loved it!

Knowing her virtual ID, I typed in her name in the search panel and it instantly popped up. So I sent her a message.

The message said: “Hi Joe, is that you ?”

A speedy reply shot through; “Hi Pepe, how are you ?”

“Good, and you ?”; I replied

“Not real good, the weather's been dry.” : she said.

That’s odd I thought, we never talk about the weather !?!?! ...

“ Isn’t it better though ? ” ; I said thinking how I loathed the wet season.

“We need the rain, and I can’t work outside. By the way, my deepest condolences !” : she replied.

First GARDENNING talk and now CONDOLENCES !?!?! Who died, I thought to myself. Is she talking about my ex ? He's not DEAD !?!?! Could she be alluding to our break-up ?!?! This conversation is getting interesting ! I decided to play along.

“Thanks, it’s been difficult”: I said

“ You know what, let's talk over the phone, I’ll call you!”; she said

Call me !?!?! Why ? Am happy chatting on SKype I thought !!! :(

“Ok”: I said sheepishly.

“Not now though, I'm at work." She said.

“Still at work ? “: I replied completely puzzled.

“Yeah, what's the time there ?”: She asked.

Huh ?!?! The time 'THERE' !?!?! We live in the SAME city !?!?! Mayday… mayday, we have a SITUATION HERE !!! I am chatting with the wrong chick who happens to mistaken me for someone else! What the f....... !?!? Let’s get the ‘flock’ out of here I thought to myself, before the situation gets sticky!

“It’s 9:30pm” : I replied.

“I’ll call you later after work, but it will be late !” ; she said

“OK”; came my reply.

“You know what, I'll call you on Saturday. We can have a good chat !”: she added

“ Good idea, looking forward to it ! Got to go now, cheers ! ” :I replied.

It’ll be interesting to see the reaction of her mistaken identity on Saturday! …(LOL)

Do you cyber ?

While I was downloading some songs for my IPOD , I came across a chat-line ! I got curious and wanted to find out what the fuss was all about ! In no time I found myself chatting to 19 contacts simultaneously ! I was having a ' ball ' so to speak.

One particular contact from the UK invited me to view him on cam. Wrong move, he was uuuugly ! Everything about him, even his words started to come across as sleezy ! That after seeing him on cam of course !

Things started to heat up on HIS PLANET hence he decided to share it with me. Next thing I see is this MASSIVE hard-on protruding through his pants. What the F..... ?!?! No kidding, I would have easily mistaken it for a donkey's if I havent seen the guy on cam. Let me tell you, it was a fowl sight, and he he hasn't TAKEN OFF his pants YET !

" Did you like that ?" ; he asked.

My reply was a monkey character nodding his head with a big grin. That was nasty of me, but I couldn't help myself ! On the other hand, he should have thought about it before putting himself out there.

"I am going to be doing something naughty and you cannot look. No peeking... " ; he added .

The monkey character appeared again as my answer while I'm thinking to myself, KNOCK YOURSELF OUT buddy, don't let me stop you !

While he was flat out ROCKING HIS SOCKS OFF, I was busy chatting to this other OZ dude.

" Do you cyber ?" : he asked.

Me, who was clueless putting it mildly and had no idea what that meant, said: "Yeah, do you ?"

"Do you like Cocks ?" ; he shot out.

Is THIS cyber or was it something else ?!!! The 'boy' lacked style and imagination ! He was plain as boiled rice.

" Do you ? ": came my reply.

I wanted to dampen the mood a bit. I have the UK freak turning blue in the face from jerking-off while this one wants to follow suit ! I should introduce them to each other, they might rock each other's socks !!! (LOL) :P

" Do you like sucking cocks ?": he continued.

It was obvious, the guy was on a mission. Alas, he was barking up the wrong tree ! The conversation was sooooo crude and lacking character ! I felt like saying go find yourself another looser to freak on with buddy, you sound like you got nothing going for you ! But no, I didn't.

Instead I said : "This conversation is way too steamy for me, I'm getting out of here "

Meanwhile Mr UK freak is sending me a nudge with a "Did you peek? You did, didn't you?" message.

Not getting a reply, he added: " Are you there ?"

By that time I switched back and sent him the nodding monkey character again with a " g2g ". (Got to go )

"Wait wait, don't go...." read his message while I was signing out !

Quite an experience I must say !!!

Now, I know it !

"I have known it for a long time but I have only just EXPERIENCEND IT. NowI KNOW IT not only with my intellect, but with my eyes, with my heart, with my stomach."

Hermann Hesse (1877-1962) - German-born Swiss Novelist, Poet.

You hear and read so much about deception wether it's through someone you know, politics, music, or litterature etc, and you think you know what its like till you become a victim. Then you truly grasp its full meaning and realise what the fuss is all about. It is only when you experience its devasting emotional consequences that you start to understand the reaction of its past victims !

At what cost though! Like burnt skin, it scars your soul till the day of reckonning and nothing you could do would fade it away! Alas, realisation comes at a price. There is nothing for nothing. Even nature obeys this invisible rule inscribed somewhere on the walls of the universe. Just like death, nothing can shield you from it.

It has its own law, just like the Law of gravity only its emotional. It gives you the truth you seek by peeling off the veil of innocence to reveal a dull and ugly reality devoid of colours.

My experience was so overwhelming that I felt it took a big chunk of me, perhaps more than I anticipated leaving me of balance. In return I acquired an understanding and an awareness of my surrounding.

My energy and emotions have been chanelled to the outside world, as if my inner world has shut down leaving an echo of numbness traped deep within. Like an empty shell, I'm sitting on the fence watching others play.

Is this what wisdom is all about ? Maybe, I do not know !

Sweet agony - 'Ma douleur exquise'

A magique moment captured by -sels-

Have you felt - I have – a pain that you enjoyed ?
Do they say about you, too: How strange he is!

- I was dying, and a special agony
Filled my eager soul: dread and desire
Anguish and expectation – no sense of revolt.

The closer I came to what would be the end,
The sharper was my torment and the more welcome;
My heart was wrenching free from the usual world.

Connais-tu, comme moi, la douleur savoureuse,
Et de toi fais-tu dire: ‘ Oh! L’homme singulier ! ’
-J’allais mourir. C’était dand mon âme amoureuse,
Désir mêlé d’horreur,un mal particulier;

Angoisse et vif espoir, sans humeur factieuse.
Plus allait se vidant le fatal sablier,
Plus ma toture était âpre et delicieuse;
Tout mon Coeur s’arrachait au monde familier.

Charles Beaudelaire - Les Fleurs du Mal -

Just like music, Charles Beaudelaire's poemes soothe my anguished soul. They take me back to my adolescent days when I sought solace in poetry.

Reincarnation

A glimpse through an artist window

Robby Garbett Photography

Robby Gareth's photo collection is as mesmerising and haunting as Charles Beaudelaire's poetrie. IF Charles Beaudelaire came back to life as a photographer he would come as Robby Garret. His photography stirs a whirland of emotions in me just like music and poetry. The world looks soo striking through his window. He has the gift of bringing out beauty in dull object and kindling an inner desire to aquire it just like Charles Beaudelaire gracefully paints boredom ;

..Nothing is slower than the limping days

when under the heavy weather of the years

Boredom, the fruit og glum indifference,

gains the dimension of eternity ....

Hereafter, mortal clay, you are no more

than a rock encircled by a nameless dread,

an ancient sphinx omitted from the map,

forgotten by the world, and whose fierce moods

sing only to the rays of setting suns.

A day of sorrow

An ethereal moment caught by -sel- . No words could do justice to her talent.

Struglling ashore in a sea of restlessness, anguish and sorrow I feel a deep longing for something that is mysterious to my conscience mind !

I have so much to do yet to no avail. Forced to grief, my mind has shut down. A mental fatigue has slowly taking over me. How I wish for tomorrow to come and the night to take this feeling away.

The last few weeks were full of struggle. They finally caught up with me, but that's okay. They say there's a time to laugh and a time to cry. I'll let nature take its course. Moments like these draw me to Khalil Gibran's philosophy on Joy and Sorrow;

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was ofentimes filled with your tears.

And how else can it be?

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?

And is not the lute that soothes your spirit the very wood that was hollowed with knives ?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."

But I say unto you, they are inseparable. Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

The Prophet - Khalil Gibran